If I'm not doing what I thought I was, then what am I doing?

I hate it when I come to a crossroads in life and I know it is time to choose. I am not an adventurer. I love home, hearth, family and tend to adore routine. I think it's from coming from an unsettled childhood - never certain if parents were going to kill each other, themselves or abandon all us five of us kiddos. It can't have have been healthy to hear screaming fights "Give me that knife................" and pray into your pillow that they (or at least one of them) would manage to survive til I turned 18. Nope, makes me understand the whole hunker down and grow roots thing. Okay, crossroads. My boss has turned into a person who first accuses you of not doing what you are supposed to do, then, when you calmly explain you have been doing EXACTLY what you were told to do, she stops, glares and says (I could not make this up) "Stop doing that, there are better uses of your time."
The obvious crossroad? Time to find a new job. But, feeling so fried, that nothing really sounds very appealing.
Time to climb out of the comfort zone, and find someone (boss person) who:
a) doesn't change their mind in the middle of a sentence
b)doesn't manage to yell at you for doing and not doing something in the same breath
c)doesn't give manage to give you whiplash in the middle of a conversation as she changes side/opinion

I'm known for calmly dealing with things. However, the temper is getting ready to flare. Not a good thing.

Sigh

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http://ohsewdollin.com/

Washington and Gettysburg

Just back tonight from a few days in Washington DC and a stop at Gettysburg on the way home. We saw museums, took a trolley tour, saw monuments, walked through the National Cathedral (wow), walked for miles (did I mention my feet hurt?). People watching was intense - every shape, color, language. Chinatown in the evening hours was cool. We could see the Washington Monument and Capitol Building from our hotel windows. Union Station is an amazing place with the biggest food court I've ever seen. I think I could spend a month in DC, and not have the time and energy to see it all.
More later!

A music video for a book!!

I saw the coolest thing on Amazon.com, today. Here's the link:
tp://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0061582034
Anyway, if you have trouble with the link, it's

You're the One that I Haunt (Nicki Styx, Book 3)

and it has a music video. Cool music, nice visuals. Really enjoyed it! I of course had to order the book and the ones before it.

I'm so excited about two angel paintings I bought from a dear online friend Jackie. She's Catchafallingstar on Ebay and does beautiful work.

Twilight is very big at our house (at least with my teenage daughter and I). DH can take it or leave it. I've read all the books (she's read them several times), we've seen the movie (she went to the theater several times) and we now each own the DVD.
For her 19th birthday on March 30th, I had a "Twilight" theme - the DVD, a book about the movie, a canvas bag and a music/jewelry box. She also received several other items, but, the movie theme was a big hit. The whole family was here. We made tacos, had homemade enchiladas, salad and a birthday cake her older sister made from scratch. It was a terrific afternoon/evening.

I will probably watch the video for the book again, then have some reading to do.
Later,
Cindi

Is it just me?

Is it the winter blahs, or just me? People are REALLY getting on my nerves at work.
There are things I have very little tolerance for - rudeness, for one thing. Honey attracts alot more than vinegar, gram always said (she was right).
Did I mention rude people?
Anyway, I know I need a break, but, it's a busy time of year, so I can't really plan on anything until at least May. Maybe, I can factor in a long weekend before then. Or two.
Anyway, I tried to be the not rude person this week.
I wish I had some time this week to hunker down, do something creative, and get away from work and the people there.
But, I guess I'll try to focus on something positive and plan something creative. Something lively, cheerful and totally un-work related.
Nothing rude, loud or self involved!! LOL
Okay, done venting.
C.

Finished Rivkah's Baby Doll

What a busy week! Sinus infection (ick).
But, finished the doll! I don't think we're supposed to post pictures until they've been voted on, so will post soon.
Valentine's day! My husband bought me a really cool laptop! It's got three times the hard drive as my pc. He also bought me that hysterical musical card where in the commercial they do the flashback of the couple with big hair, and then in the car with them older and they kind of "pounce" on each other. Cool card! I got him two cards, one really funny and the other more romantic. Oh yes, and a dancing bear complete with a feather boa!
Well, getting my hair done today, so got to get moving.
Pictures soon!

This Winter Week

As winter weeks go, this one was too cold, too stressful and thankfully is over (at least the work week part). Tonight I'll stay warm with my husband, watch some TV and eat pizza.
Tomorrow between loads of laundry, vacuuming, etc. I want to work on my Becky/Rivkah doll. Her chubby arms and legs are sweet, the body is sewn............
Today I was thanked by someone for explaining her mother's medical condition to her. It wasn't happy knowledge for her, but, she found it reassuring to know what kinds of changes to expect, over the next few weeks. I'm not saying she thanked me politely after the explanation. Rather, a couple hours later, she tracked me down to my office, to personally thank me for helping her understand, for taking the time to help her understand. It's something I've done with other family members over the years, but, it never fails to remind me why I go to work every day, when I actually make a difference for someone. I guess we all need to remember to thank people for the extra time and effort they take. I know it warmed me, in my heart, where it really counts. I don't expect more than the occasional polite thanks. Almost always, it is a stressful time, financially, emotionally for the people looking for answers - and a little kindness. I still have the thank you notes I received when I worked hospice. They remind me that educating, explaining, explaining over again, is part of what I'm needed for. Sure, the other things I do are important, and necessary, or they wouldn't pay me to do my job. But, the other is what keeps me in nursing - the people part.
Well, that was the philosophical tangent for today!
Wish me luck, tomorrow as I attach those chubby little doll legs to the body, using a technique I've never tried!
TTFN

How cool is this?

The Journey

I'm not a philosopher, but, hitting "middle age", seems to have steered me in that direction. I've always had a "don't ask, don't tell" philosophy about my age.
I've been married a really long time, yet, the journey is better each year. Not that we're perfect, or always agree. But, we need to be there for each other in a way that once was missing. We were so independent, that, we didn't realize that as a team we function even better. It took illness and crisis to realize that. I love him, yet love is such a simple word for such a complicated emotion.
Parenthood is forever. I always knew that, in my heart. I wanted to be the parent I never had - there, but, supportive, not clingy or demanding. I think I've done that, to the best of my ability. I enjoy seeing my girls reach and grow, trying their wings, open to new possibilities. If I'd had that kind of curiosity and bravery.... I can't imagine. But, the thing that makes me proudest is their empathy and compassion. The way they maintain friendships throughout the changes in life. The value they place on family. The way they deal with life and the disappointments that lead us to different paths.
I know I won't live forever, so I'm trying to cut the clutter in life, just as I am trying to cut the clutter in my home. I think I've realized that alot of the clutter was to fill in the empty parts of me. But, as those parts fill with the joy of family, the love for my mate, the pleasure of creating a home that reflects me, I think the clutter will be less (hope so anyway!).
I'm not a neat person in the way of alot of people. I pile things. I stack the books I plan to read next, on the floor by my bed. But, if I know where things are, does that make it messy? Stay tuned.
Well, I have a baby doll to finish for Rivkah and me. I procrastinate!! Pictures to follow.
Cindi

Okay, I confess - I'm hating winter this year. I hate being cold, feel less productive and am grateful that I have a short commute to work. Sigh.
But, spring will come.
I realized it's been forever since updating my blog. I am trying to find balance in my life. My mission statement as of right now is "enjoy the journey".
Had lunch with my eldest two, today. Hard to believe they both are college grads, now, with husbands and demanding careers. We even went shopping for the "baby momma" of my nephew (their cousin). We haven't met her yet, but, are going to a baby shower for her the 15th. We stuck to the registry except for some adorable onesies that Miranda couldn't put down. After all, this little girl (yes, they know and announced the sex already) will be family, even if this young couple doesn't make a go of it. They aren't married, but, it would be nice if they seemed committed at least. Parenthood is so BIG.
Anyway, enough!
My youngest is now in her second of semester of college, and I am struck all the time by how smart she is. I admire the way she devours the classics, not because she has to, but, she really likes them. She voted in her first election, too.
My middle daughter even made it to the inauguration with her husband and brother-in-law! I was moved by our president's speech and loved the music (taped or not!).
Well, I natter on enough.
Balance and joy in the journey. Good goals for this year.